I started the day cheering on my friend Kath, who rides for Theta's team. She's an INCREDIBLE athlete, and an amazing cyclist. I had so much fun watching her compete, but I also felt a lot of nervousness and anxiety while she was actually racing. Especially when they have to do those exchanges! AH! So terrifying!!! But, despite the anxiety, I really had a blast.
Later, watching Justin's team compete, I felt anxious not just for the boys but also for Justin. I know how much they have trained and how hard they have worked, and I was so nervous that they wouldn't do well.
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This made me think about anxiety, worry, nerves, anticipation, and play. I felt like I had a playful experience on Saturday, as well as enjoying the day, but I also felt quite a bit of anxiety. Throughout the day I used the word stressed, but I'm not quite sure that's what I was feeling. It might just be semantics, but it seems to me that there's a difference between feeling anxious and nervous and stressed. I don't know that I can think of a situation where I felt stressed and also felt like I was playing. I did, however, on Saturday feel like I was playing even though I felt anxious. Interesting, and something to think more on.
Interesting. I returned to Sutton-Smith today, looking at the old rhetorics. Your experience reminds me of the Rhetoric of Power, and how stressed we (the vicarious competitor) can get when the true 'players' are competing. Yet, somehow we are players too by enjoying the experience -- even though we are stressed. It is all sooo confusing!
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